SWF Seeking Mr. Right

"Hey yall!!! How you fellas doin? I'm new to this whole Match.com internet dating thing so be gentle -- just kidding, not too gentle ;-)

My name's Sarah yall. Let's see, what can I say about myself. Well, I've never tried this before but figured I would 'cuz I'm gettin' divorced from my husban. We were married for a long time but then I got this whole VP thing (which apparently is, like, a really big deal so I really wanna' do it because it would be cool) and it turns out my husband was an eskimo. Eww, like who knew? That just won't fly these days.

Anyhow, I'm from Alaska and I'm kinda the outdoorsie type. I like hiking and shooting wild animals with my rifle; so you better be packin' a big gun too if you know what I mean (just kidding, but not really). My favorite is hunting wolves. Nothing like being in the great outdoors with the singular mano-a-mano challenge of fighting a wild animal in nature on its own terms; I especially like hunting them down from a helicopter. That's the best.

Anyhow, I like run one of the fifty states (I won't say which until I meet you). Which is really cool because anyone messes with me and I can, like, have them arrested. Like this one time, my sister got divorced and her ex was being a real douche so I had him fired. And when the chief of police said "well why?" I like had him fired too. That was cool. Don't mess with the Palin bitches!!!

Anyway, where was I. I'm really religious and stuff so don't be like non-religious or like Muslim or anything; no way man. Although I do have a small flag of Israel in my office because when God smashes the Jewish people down then the rapture will come and we can all go to heaven and like hang with Jesus. That'll be rad. I bet Jesus is cool. Any how, oh, I also really hate fags because they're like gay and shit and I can't stand that, just nasty. Although I did make out with a chick once. . . Ok, I like had sex with her and my ex but we were doing a lotta' blow so that doesnt count. And the bitch never even called back. Anyway, don't be gay. Although if you're reading this you probably aren't. How you like my bikini? These puppies are real bitches!!! I was a beauty queen, can't you tell?

Oh, you also have to like kids because I've had several and I wasn't able to drown them all (just kidding). No really, I abandoned one but it found its way back. Kind of like those dogs that like find their owners from across the country. And it was so cute when it crawled back to the doorstep that I had to keep it. Oh, and one of them's retarded. But I don't think it's really mine because I think my husband knocked up my first daughter and that's where it really came from.

Anyway, hit me back up, can't wait to meet some nice single men. If you're lucky you can come with me to St. Paul for the convention!

Love, Sarah"