And Your Little Dog Too!!!

One of the general rules of being a Republican is that you have to violently and relentlessly rail against that which you actually are. Why is Sen. Larry Craig such a bigoted homo-phobe? Because he's gay. Why does Bill O'Reilly rail against moral and sexual improprieties? Because he's a pervert who writes kinky rape books and was sexually harassing his co-workers. Why was Rep. Mark Foley a crusader against child pornography and abuse as the chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children??? Well, because he was a pedophile of course.

Unfortunately, that has led me to one undeniable and very frightening conclusion: Sarah Palin is a witch. . . . Let that sink in. And no, I don't mean a "bitch"-witch in the sense of "oh Susie, that chick's such a witch!". I mean it in the proper classic sorcerer definition of the word "witch." Sarah Palin is a ride a broom, play with Merlin, black cats, Halloween, melt in water, green skinned, eat children in the woods, poison apples, good old-fashioned witch.

How else can you explain why Sarah Palin has participated in not only sermons and prayer services, but some sort of bizarre cult-ish witch exorcism with pastor Thomas Muthee from Kiambu Kenya. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by apparently defeating a local witch in Kenya, named (and I'm not kidding) Mama Jane, in a great magical wizardly battle. As a result of this shining victory over witchcraft, Muthee then appeared in Palin's Wasilla Assembly of God church in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor's mansion and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from "the spirit of witchcraft." The video of that startling sermon can be seen on the links to the right.

The only logical conclusion to draw from this wizardly encounter is that Palin is either: (a) bat-shit crazy; or (b) a witch fearlessly flaunting her dark powers against an over-matched unsuspecting witch-hunter and his defenseless congregation. So be careful at the debate tonight Joe Biden. Bring your gypsy tears or Harry Potter or something because if you're not careful, Sarah Palin may just turn you into a newt or some sort of Alaskan frog.